Tech House Quotes

Things Heard 'Round Tech House

  • From Slashdot:
    "I go to Brown University. Here they have a sort of "fraternity" that is called tech house. It seems to be the sort of community you are talking about. They do cool things (for example playing tetris with the lights on the 14 story science library here, something that I I think was posted to slashdot a while back.) I think they also built an elevator in the house. Anyways, I was taking a look at it, and it seems pretty cool. These places do exist though." -Brian Singer

  • From vTH:
    John says: Of course, nobody ever bought MS Wheel 1.0, and MS Wheel 2.0 and 3.0 kind of crashed a lot.
    Foo says: which comes bundled with a 3-legged horse and a solar-powered toaster
    John says: But Wheel 95 was pretty hot; and Wheel NT ("New Tread") was awesome, if you had the horsepower for it.
    Ducttape asks: John: you gonna get a car?
    John says: Unfortunately Wheel NT could only drive on the right kind of roads, which sort of limited the places you'd want to go today.
    John says: OK, I think I should shoot this metaphor before it turns on me.
    Thursday, July 27th, 5:56PM, EST

  • "Well I figured I'd have a family of four newts, but then brother Newtling ate his sister... And mommy and daddy don't even care... But he's so cute so I can't stay mad at him."
    -Liz, on the phone

  • CLC: Well, at least you could molest cadavers at med school.
    SVG: I've already done that.
    (Fri July 21 23:40:57 PDT)

  • "Then you can talk to all your relatives in those rainbow languages."
    -Liz, on the phone

  • I'm never naked. (What about when you change?) I haven't changed my underwear since I was seven. (and when you shower?) I wear my underwear to the shower, and that's how they stay clean. [editor's note: Sam wears tighty-whiteys.]
    -- Sam "Very inebriated" Gorstein (Sat June 17 20:52:13 PDT 2000)

  • *** Review buffer for the lounge ***
    Mbf is an asshole.
    Wonko says: rumor is broken
    *** End ***
    -VTH 6/15/00 5:37PM EST

  • "He walked in, and we were horizontal."
    --soren, relating some interesting experiences from junior year (Tue May 2 00:21:18 EDT 2000)

  • "I don't trust anything that has a GUI."
    -- hesh, telling some guy to use lpr after watching him struggle with printing from acrobat.

  • "So we need a fifth axiom: things have stuff."
    -- John, critiquing Fafnir's logic at 3 am, 4/30/00

  • "I'm going to volumetric you tonight!"
    -niq (to jordan), TH Meeting, 4-24-00

  • "I'm perfectly willing to be Mike's bitch ... he can come bang on my bed any time."
    -Chris M., 1st meeting

  • "There will be no penii scrolled across the Scili"
    -Soren, too late at night @MacMillan

  • "That felt like 120 Volts."
    -Soren

  • "The pager in my pocket just went off, I almost exploded."
    --Soren, on fun with vibrations, Sat Apr 8 16:23:25 EDT 2000

  • "Wanna kiss, Mike?" -Curran
    "WHAT?!?" -Mike F.

  • "Sometimes you don't need your object."
    --Soren

  • "I want your fucking job, sir!"
    --Chris C., to David Marquardt, venture capitalist and on the board of directors at Microsoft (and of his high school Alma Mater).

  • "The iMac is the Teletubby of computers."
    --Keith Schmidt

  • "Dude, Shamu's fucking your shit up!"
    --Niq, re Sonic Adventure

  • "I'm like Benton, except I'm not an angry black man."
    --Sam, smashed on Thu Feb 3 22:04:57 EST 2000

  • "As far as I can tell, CS is 25% doing things and 75% talking about them."
    -Kali, in the SPOC office while Soren was reading an anti-C++ rant

  • "dude, just tell me I have the offer and hang up!"
    -Matt Ambdur (compatriot SPOC to Soren), via zwrite to Soren while talking for a _long_ time about nothing to the Microsoft recruiter

  • "And there's no pumper!"
    -Ryan, Watching Austin Powers 2

  • "The printer sings evil songs to me."
    -Liz

  • "She's trying to be a bad-ass Jew."
    -Soren, talking about Miram signing a letter in Hebrew.

  • If the professor looks into your mind and sees anything, you fail.
    John Leen on RS0188, 24 January 2000

  • Ryan says: Donald Trump is a Klein bottle
    (It was a long night.)

  • "Girls may come and go in my life, but I will always have Metallica."
    -hesh to dan, while driving down El Camino Real

  • "we GAVE the school a nice little tree, and they LOST it. They lost a TREE."
    -John Leen (via ytalk, about his HS)

  • "That's pretty much what we do for fun... take off our pants and sniff glue."
    -Dan

  • "I would play with a girl's frog if I liked a girl and she had a frog."
    -Soren

  • "It's ok to look at porn with Lynx."
    -Dan
    (Note: Lynx is a text-based web browser.)

  • "...17 and 1/2 inches long, which is plenty long."
    -Soren (describing El Kabong...)

  • "I can't wait to show Woz my big screw."
    -Soren

  • "n"
    -chris,

  • "I can keep on mounting shit."
    -Kenji

  • "Don knows, and he's naked in his room."
    -Liz

  • "If it was that statistically significant, it would probably be illegal."
    -Ryan

  • "I can define a language to be all the curly haired people in Techhouse."
    -Soren (while doing CS51 homework)

  • "How can a circuit not be phallic?"
    -Mahesh Madhav

  • "All I want in life is porn and soup."
    --Dan Morris, on life, 27 November 1999

  • "But I like second-hand smoke and eurotrash!"
    --Lou, defending Viva, 20 November 1999

  • "I am unable to eat Woven Wheats. Therefore, there is no God."
    -Neel, on the beach at 1 a.m., 18 November 1999

  • "Dammit, stop putting fake quotes on the quotes page! It violates the sanctity of a forum intended for the displaying of countless dick and ass jokes!"
    -William Jennings Bryant

  • "I was raised on a quotes page based solely on gay sex jokes, and as God is my witness, we will see that quotes page again!"
    -The Reverend James Falwell

  • "Sometimes the closest thing at hand is what you've always reached for. Wow. That was deep." (several second pause) "I can't see anything."
    -John Leen, 2 am, with a towel over his head

  • "Oh, I'm going to mount my rods tomorrow."
    -Soren

  • Lou: "Soren, are you going to Sex, Power, God?"
    Soren: "No, but I'm going to have sex, powerfully, with God."

  • Don: "It just sounds like a lot of stripping."
    Soren: "It's OK. We're getting screwed too."

  • "Sush. Please people."
    -Soren, Th. Meeting, quite winey

  • "I have his friend's underwear."
    -Niq, before the BOLT adventure.

  • "Isn't there a problem with friction?"
    -Brett Cohen, TH Meeting 01-Nov-1999

  • "If you've ever held a screw in your hand and turned it..."
    -Soren, TH Meeting 01-Nov-1999

  • "I could use two big screws from Home Depot"
    -Soren, TH Meeting 1-Nov-1999

  • "This is topologically equivalent to my ass."
    -- Sam, holding up a napkin with a tear in the center

  • "Soren, if I have this done to my car, I will _never_ need a girlfriend.""
    -Nik, after explaining how his grandmother was considering giving him money for a "new" car which he would use to have a new engin put into his current car.

  • "If I was sad would you sleep with me too?"
    -- Don, 10/24

  • "I had one of the other gender -- and I kept sticking wires into it."
    -- Don, 10/23

  • "I leave you with a brief lesson from sam:

    How to have sex in the Intelligent Lounge:
    (1) DON'T Swipe your card
    (2) when removing clothing, place some of the clothing over the quickcam lens
    (3) Make sure that when you say 'yes, baby more', it doesn't sound like 'please turn on the television'
    (4) in general, avoid use of the phrase 'turn on'"
     -Niq (meeting minutes e-mail)

  • "Can I be your lovechild?"
    -Donald, to Brett and Curran, 10-3

  • "I am killing myself and leaving the suicide note on this quotes page. Thank you very much."
    -Anonymous dead guy, rotting in the basement, 9/28/99

  • "I, too, wish to kill myself and leave my last words on the quotes page. It might not be the most original thing to do, but I haven't had an original thought yet and I'll be damned if I start now."
    -Second anonymous dead guy, hanging from flagpole, 9/28/99

  • "Damn! Everyone's killing themselves today. Is this the new 'in' thing to do? Was there a Gap commercial about this? I'd better kill myself just to make sure."
    -Third anonymous dead guy, bleeding in the second floor bathroom, 9/28/99

  • "Maybe if I kill myself, people will like me more!"
    -Yet another anonymous dead guy, stuck in the downstairs kitchen oven, 9/28/99

  • "Ah, the hell with it."
    -The rest of the world, shortly before killing themselves in one way or the other, somewhere in Tech House, 9/29/99

  • "Pants pants pants. Naked naked naked. Naked pants. Pants which are naked. Dick dick dick."
    -Every quote on the Quotes Page, pretty much forever

  • "What we need to worry about is versatility, and not how big our dicks are."
    -Soren, Techhouse meeting, 9-27

  • "A fag, a jew, a monkey, and a chinaman"
    -Stephen Chen, 9/23/99 Neel's room with impotence

  • "But at first, I will make an insecure program, and then fix it later."
    -Donald Engel, while talking about work for reslife

  • "What orally raises my crane?"
    -Chris Chin's random sentence generator, 9/16/99

  • "If my ass leaves this room and your eye's not on it, then you'll be sorry. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life."
    -Keith S., to Chris M., 9/10/99 (it was a long night)

  • "Don, why are you fondling my joystick?"
    -John, 9/10/99

  • "OK, everyone, take off your pants."
    -Don Engel, 9/10/99

  • "I think some higher power is protecting my pants today."
    -Brett Heath-Wlaz, 9/10/1999.

  • "I think I just left a bag full of socks in the Sun Lab."
    -Mike Boilen

  • "If some bitch tried to give me shit, I'd be like, HEY BYTCH! Get back in the compiler! And make me some executable!"
    -Don Engel, on vTH

  • "We're nerds and we're here to serve."
    -Dan Morris, in response to a computer question posed by a freshman

    Still haven't had enough? Look at our quotes from last year.