In Memoriam by Milan Vora L'98, delivered at memorial service 12/22/01

Knowing Bob since 1st grade, I’ve been able to see him grow up along side of me. As I look back, at the wonderful memories that we had together and at the man he had become, I try to remember when I first noticed and fully appreciated the entity that is Bob. And one memory comes back to me.

Let me set the scene for you. It was 4th grade in Edgewood Elementary School. The year was 1989, I looked exactly the same, just a lot shorter, and well, Bob… Bob was a pudgy kid. Anyway, during lunchtime, it was customary for all the students to sit quietly with their heads down on the tables in order to be let out for recess. One particular Monday in October, however, for some reason, there was some ruckus on a couple of the lunch tables by a few people, and as a result, all of the fourth graders had their recess privileges revoked by the lunchtime aides for a whole week. If you don’t forget your elementary school days, I don’t have to remind you about how important recess was to a 4th grader. Instead of recess, we were made to sit on the ground in the main lobby of the school. If anyone talked, we were in danger of losing another day of recess. That one horrible Tuesday of no recess was very boring and depressing, but on the Wednesday that was to follow, Bob came up to me with that knowing confident smile that he always had. Bob decided to send a petition to the principal stating that we, as the students of the 4th grade, felt it was unfair to get penalized as a whole for a problem that was perpetrated by a few students. I, being the conservative little Indian boy, tried to convince him not to, lest we get in even more trouble. I mean, this is 4th grade!! I mean who writes petitions in 4th grade? I hardly knew how to spell petition in 4th grade! Of course, anyone who knew Bob, knows that this was a lost cause. When Bob set his mind to do something, he did it. And he always did it thoroughly and carefully. By lunchtime that day, by persuasion and determination, Bob single handedly collected about 80% of the fourth grade class’ signatures (including mine), and then also had some 5th graders sign it for good measure.

At lunchtime that same Wednesday, our principal, Mr. Nuzzalo, very impressed with the petition, said some final scolding words and gave us our recess back.

From that day on, I always looked at Bob with awe and amazement. Not with what he could do, but with how he did it. From that day on, I signed every one of his petitions with no hesitation; I supported him on every one of his crusades. Every time he approached me with that oh-so-knowing smile, I felt goosebumps. Not because I thought he could succeed, but I because I knew he would succeed. Bob was a winner, and he never ever let me down.

Our relationship in the later years during high school was a little different. After being friends for so long, we stopped having to talk to each other. The reason for this was not because we ran out of things to say, but rather that we didn’t have to verbally talk in order to communicate. Every morning while driving to Lawrenceville, we would sit silently in the car for the full thirty minutes. Those were some of the best conversations I ever had with him. As I would sit down in the car, he would flash a small sleepy smile. And within that small glance a thousand words would be said. “I’m tired” were the first two that come to mind, but along with that I would know how his life had been for the last month. In that look he said both “I support you,” and “I love you.” And whenever we did actually talk, it was mostly stupid useless jokes and banter about the food at the dining center or about how hilarious Tony Strauss’ laugh is.

And so now I speak to you, Bob, Bob-ay, Birdbrain, the Bobster, Robert Mammano Fret-za. I feel this tendency to say you changed me in this way or taught me in that way. But the truth is that you did not. You did quite the opposite. You kept me the same. We were so comfortable with each other from the start, Bobby. There was no abrasion, no rough edges to smooth over. We had differences, but we didn’t try nor did we want to settle them. While the world has tried to change me over the years, you had been my constant friend trying to keep me the same and keep me true to myself. Your presence and confidence made me more confident in myself. We have supported each other for so long, I do not know what I am going to do without you. Every time I think of you now, it will be further from this moment, yet you will never be apart from me. I will never forget you and because of you, I will never forget myself.

I know we never have to verbally say this to each other, but I feel I need to tell you now. You were my brother Bob Frezza, and I love you.